156 fic: Remember (Buffy/Giles)
Feb. 10th, 2010 02:50 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
mierke.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
still_grrrTitle Remember
Author Mierke
Rating PG-13
Word Count 991
Prompt Het pairings (prompt 156)
Characters/Pairing (if any) Buffy/Giles
The ride away from Sunnydale seemed to last for ages. Buffy was dead tired and all she wanted to do was sleep. She didn’t want to think about the things she had left behind. She definitely didn’t want to think about Spike and about what he meant to her, or about what he did. She didn’t want to figure out whether he or she was right when she had said she loved him and he had said that she didn’t. She didn’t want to think about all the people she had left behind, all the people who had been killed at one time or another in the past seven years. She couldn’t look at any of the people around her without being remembered of someone they had lost.
If she looked at Xander, she would see Anya hovering behind him, fussing over him in her own way. She would see the grief in his eyes, the pain in his pose.
If she looked at Willow, she would see the things losing Tara had cost her. She would see how she had changed after Tara had been shot. She was still Willow, but there was something about her… As if she’d never again be whole without Tara.
If she looked at Giles, she would still see Jenny. She still felt the guilt she had felt so many years ago, the guilt that came from knowing that it was her fault that Giles was still so lonely, that it was her boyfriend who had killed the love of his life. She couldn’t bear to see Giles lonely, but she didn’t know how to help him. She wanted to hug him and tell him that he wasn’t alone, that she was there, but she didn’t know how to tell him that.
If she looked at the Potentials, no, the Slayers, she would see how they had lost their innocence. Fighting against the First Evil had had its toll. Not only were they marked by what they had seen and what they had had to fight, they were also marked by the girls that had been killed. If she looked at the Slayers, she would see Molly, Amanda, Chloe, Annabelle and the other girls who hadn’t been able to survive.
So Buffy didn’t look at anyone. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the people around her, tried to drown out the voices.
It seemed hours later that she was pacing in her room in some motel or another, not being able to go to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the fire in the Hellmouth, she saw the crater that was once Sunnydale. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to sleep again.
Restless she left her room and strolled through the motel, not sure what or who she was looking for. It didn’t took her feet long to find the room they obviously were aiming at and her hand knocked at the door before she had time to think about it.
“Hey,” Giles opened the door and motioned for her to come in.
“Hey, I…” Buffy started nervously, but before she could say anything Giles had grabbed her in a hug.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “You can let go now.”
Buffy hadn’t known how much she had needed to hear those words, until Giles had spoken them. She cried, feeling safe in Giles’ embrace, in spite of everything that had happened.
“I’m not sure I can trust you anymore,” she whispered.
“I know,” Giles said, stroking her over the head. “I’ve made some pretty stupid decisions.”
“But I still can’t live without you,” she whispered, not even sure whether Giles could hear her. “I need you, Giles, I need you close to me.”
Giles hold her close and let her cry. For a long time he didn’t respond and Buffy thought he hadn’t heard her.
“You are the most important person in my world,” he finally said. “When I left you… It was as much for your as for mine sake. I couldn’t bear to see you so lost and I didn’t know how to help you without revealing how I really felt.”
Buffy looked up at him, not sure whether she fully understood what she was hearing. Giles brushed away her tears with his thumb and smiled at her.
“When I let Wood try and kill Spike… I was so jealous. I was jealous of what he meant to you, of the role he played in your life.”
Buffy laughed a little.
“Spike was an addiction. And then a friend. He was never a lover.”
Giles hugged her even closer and buried his face in her hair.
They spent the night together, talking and laughing. Buffy told him all about the time he was away, more than just the little details he knew up until now. She told him about how she had felt when she had just returned from heaven. She told him about the guilt that never left her body, how it burned her insides and how it haunted her in her dreams.
He told her about England, about his life there, now and when he was younger. He told her about how leaving her had felt and how lonely he had been. He also told him about the guilt that burdened him, how it talked to him at night and how it laughed at him.
They hugged, most of the time to comfort each other, sometimes because they just had to feel each other. They knew life from this point on would be different, because they could share it. They could share the guilt and maybe that would lift the burden.
They were still talking when the sun came up. But instead of focusing on the past, they were now talking about the future. They were making plans for the future of the Slayers and for their future together. Life would change. For everyone.
Author Mierke
Rating PG-13
Word Count 991
Prompt Het pairings (prompt 156)
Characters/Pairing (if any) Buffy/Giles
The ride away from Sunnydale seemed to last for ages. Buffy was dead tired and all she wanted to do was sleep. She didn’t want to think about the things she had left behind. She definitely didn’t want to think about Spike and about what he meant to her, or about what he did. She didn’t want to figure out whether he or she was right when she had said she loved him and he had said that she didn’t. She didn’t want to think about all the people she had left behind, all the people who had been killed at one time or another in the past seven years. She couldn’t look at any of the people around her without being remembered of someone they had lost.
If she looked at Xander, she would see Anya hovering behind him, fussing over him in her own way. She would see the grief in his eyes, the pain in his pose.
If she looked at Willow, she would see the things losing Tara had cost her. She would see how she had changed after Tara had been shot. She was still Willow, but there was something about her… As if she’d never again be whole without Tara.
If she looked at Giles, she would still see Jenny. She still felt the guilt she had felt so many years ago, the guilt that came from knowing that it was her fault that Giles was still so lonely, that it was her boyfriend who had killed the love of his life. She couldn’t bear to see Giles lonely, but she didn’t know how to help him. She wanted to hug him and tell him that he wasn’t alone, that she was there, but she didn’t know how to tell him that.
If she looked at the Potentials, no, the Slayers, she would see how they had lost their innocence. Fighting against the First Evil had had its toll. Not only were they marked by what they had seen and what they had had to fight, they were also marked by the girls that had been killed. If she looked at the Slayers, she would see Molly, Amanda, Chloe, Annabelle and the other girls who hadn’t been able to survive.
So Buffy didn’t look at anyone. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the people around her, tried to drown out the voices.
It seemed hours later that she was pacing in her room in some motel or another, not being able to go to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the fire in the Hellmouth, she saw the crater that was once Sunnydale. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to sleep again.
Restless she left her room and strolled through the motel, not sure what or who she was looking for. It didn’t took her feet long to find the room they obviously were aiming at and her hand knocked at the door before she had time to think about it.
“Hey,” Giles opened the door and motioned for her to come in.
“Hey, I…” Buffy started nervously, but before she could say anything Giles had grabbed her in a hug.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “You can let go now.”
Buffy hadn’t known how much she had needed to hear those words, until Giles had spoken them. She cried, feeling safe in Giles’ embrace, in spite of everything that had happened.
“I’m not sure I can trust you anymore,” she whispered.
“I know,” Giles said, stroking her over the head. “I’ve made some pretty stupid decisions.”
“But I still can’t live without you,” she whispered, not even sure whether Giles could hear her. “I need you, Giles, I need you close to me.”
Giles hold her close and let her cry. For a long time he didn’t respond and Buffy thought he hadn’t heard her.
“You are the most important person in my world,” he finally said. “When I left you… It was as much for your as for mine sake. I couldn’t bear to see you so lost and I didn’t know how to help you without revealing how I really felt.”
Buffy looked up at him, not sure whether she fully understood what she was hearing. Giles brushed away her tears with his thumb and smiled at her.
“When I let Wood try and kill Spike… I was so jealous. I was jealous of what he meant to you, of the role he played in your life.”
Buffy laughed a little.
“Spike was an addiction. And then a friend. He was never a lover.”
Giles hugged her even closer and buried his face in her hair.
They spent the night together, talking and laughing. Buffy told him all about the time he was away, more than just the little details he knew up until now. She told him about how she had felt when she had just returned from heaven. She told him about the guilt that never left her body, how it burned her insides and how it haunted her in her dreams.
He told her about England, about his life there, now and when he was younger. He told her about how leaving her had felt and how lonely he had been. He also told him about the guilt that burdened him, how it talked to him at night and how it laughed at him.
They hugged, most of the time to comfort each other, sometimes because they just had to feel each other. They knew life from this point on would be different, because they could share it. They could share the guilt and maybe that would lift the burden.
They were still talking when the sun came up. But instead of focusing on the past, they were now talking about the future. They were making plans for the future of the Slayers and for their future together. Life would change. For everyone.
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