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still_grrrTitle: Don’t Ever Leave Me Again
Author: Laura Tew
Rating: PG or FRT
Word Count: 2000
Prompt: 039: BtVS - Never Leave Me
Characters: Buffy and Giles
A/N: There is a longer version of this with a different ending on my LiveJournal page at Don’t Ever Leave Me Again
Rupert Giles stood in his office facing his Slayer. She looked surprisingly well for someone who had died the night before. It was after school hours and as there wasn’t a current apocalypse or an impending mid-term, they were the only two in the deserted library. The only reason Buffy was there was because Rupert asked her to meet with him. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, he just knew he needed to say *something* to ease the tension he’d been feeling since he discovered that the Master had indeed killed the Slayer.
Rupert had spent all afternoon thinking up little speeches, some way to tell her what was in his head and heart. But now that she was here, he found he had no words. He paced a bit, looking back at her as he did so and he cleaned his glasses twice, noticing that his hands were shaking. The whole time she just stood there watching him in a disconcerting reversal of their roles.
He turned to face her again, determined to say something, anything to loosen the tightening sensation in his chest when he thought of her lifeless body and how close he came to being forcibly freed of his job as her Watcher. He looked into her eyes, resolved to overcome his British reserve and tell her how he felt.
“Buffy, don’t ever leave me again.” It wasn’t what he’d intended to say, wasn’t anything like the flowery speeches in his head, but he did feel better. She arched an eyebrow at him.
“I take it this has to do with my rise from the dead?” She was making a joke of it, but he could hear the tension in her voice.
“Buffy,” he started to say, but she cut him off.
“Don’t worry about it, Giles. If something happens to me, another Slayer is called, right?”
“I don’t want another Slayer.” She looked at him oddly, but he continued. “Buffy, this isn’t about Watchers and Slayers; it’s about you and me.”
Now she was really looking at him strangely and he didn’t blame her. His words did sound rather like a sexual come on.
“Buffy you are far more to me than the Slayer.” He tried to make her understand. “You are special to me. I care for you. Why do you think I was willing to face the Master for you? You are more than my responsibility, you are my friend. And while the Council may send me another Slayer, I cannot do this without you. I wouldn’t want to try.”
He knew it was an emotional declaration, but he didn’t care; she needed to know she was more than a weapon to him. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but she stayed silent, looking at the floor. Giles sighed, wondering if he had gone too far in telling her this. He realized as he looked at her that his words didn’t bother her, but the seriousness of them did. He smiled at his Slayer.
“Buffy, all I ask is that you be careful. Xander cannot always be relied upon to be there to perform CPR.”
She looked up at him and returned his smile. He could see in her eyes that she knew what he was saying, and more importantly, what he wasn’t.
“Got it, Giles. From now on I’m Careful Buffy.”
He smiled and nodded.
“Then shall we go out for ice cream to celebrate your return from the dead?” He felt slightly morbid wording it that way, but her answering grin convinced him he’d said the right thing.
“If you are buying, I’m there!”
They walked out of the library together, talking lightly of unimportant things.
*************************************
Buffy felt the smoke stinging her eyes and throat, pulling a cough from her lungs. She felt the rumble of a corresponding cough from the man in her arms and relief flooded through her. He was alive and that was something. She pulled Giles through the door and into the alley at the side of the warehouse, stumbling slightly under his weight.
Once they were clear of the building, she felt him straining against her, struggling to put distance between them. She let him go, thinking he wanted to stand on his own and was startled as he practically threw himself away from her. He whipped around to face her, his eyes flashing anger.
“Why did you come here? This wasn’t your fight!” His voice was furious and he half turned, looking longingly towards the burning building.
Tears pricked Buffy’s eyes as she saw the depth of his pain. She wanted to go to him, tell him it would get better, but she felt a wave of panic as he looked like he might just go back into the building. In a flash of insight, she understood that he did want to go back in, that he never wanted to come out. She knew she had to stop him from hurting himself until he could think clearly, so she did the unthinkable, balling up her fist and slamming it into his jaw. He fell to the pavement, not even looking up at her, his shoulders slumped. She felt her heart constrict as she thought of losing him, and let loose an angry tirade on him.
“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Her voice was harsh, nearly hysterical and tears were running freely down her face.
He still wouldn’t look up at her, but she could see his shoulders shaking and she dropped to her knees, pulling him into her arms. She expected him to pull away and was surprised when he wrapped his arms around her, clinging to her desperately. She could feel his body trembling and knew that he was crying, his pain so deep that there was no sound, no tears. She pulled him close and soothed him, her hand running along his back.
After a while, his sobs died down and she looked at him, not sure what to say, but needing to ease the tight panic in her chest. She said the only thing that came to mind.
“Don’t ever leave me again.” She was startled as she recalled when he said those same words to her so many months ago. “You are special to me. I care for you. You are my Watcher and my friend. They may send me another Watcher, but I can’t do this without you. I wouldn’t want to try.”
He looked up at her and now there were tears in his eyes. He pulled her close again, resting his head on her shoulder and she could feel the wetness on her skin.
“All I ask, Giles is that you be careful.”
She felt him chuckle lightly, his breath warm on her neck, and she knew everything would be as all right as it could be on a Hellmouth. She pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes.
“Let’s go home?”
He simply nodded.
****************************
Buffy sat, looking down at Giles. He was kneeling in front of her, holding a cold wet cloth to her head. The look on his face was one of total anguish and she knew that he was sorry for what he had done. She wanted to forgive him, she really did, but his actions had put her mother in danger. She was angry at him and then she was angry at herself for being upset at him. She let out a frustrated sigh. Giles pulled the cloth away and looked up at her.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly.
Buffy almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Her face must have shown what she was thinking, as he replaced the cloth and looked at the floor.
“Buffy, I am so sorry. I will do anything to make this up to you. Just tell me what you want.”
She looked down at him. What she wanted was for none of this to have happened, for Giles to still be Giles, for them all to be safe. But none of that was an option. She wanted to forgive him, but that wasn’t in his power to grant; she alone would have to do that. She reached out and took his hand.
“What do I want?”
He nodded at her, his eyes silently pleading.
“I want…Giles, don’t ever leave me again.” He blinked at her, his confusion obvious. “The man who poisoned me, who hurt my mother, who put my life in danger wasn’t my Watcher; he wasn’t you. I never want to see that man again. You are my friend and I trust you. Promise me I’ll never have to deal with that man.”
“I promise, Buffy,” he said, gently squeezing her hand. “The Council can go hang. I am yours, your Watcher, your friend and I am loyal to you.”
She nodded.
“Good, ‘cause I can’t do this without you.”
“You wouldn’t want to try?” he asked quietly.
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“I should get you home,” Giles said, rising to his feet and pulling her with him. “You need some rest.”
She simply nodded, following him out of the library.
*******************************************
“I’m sorry,” Buffy said, her voice barely a whisper. She looked down at Giles, taking in the blood and dirt on his face and his labored breathing. She bit her lip, fighting back tears.
“For what?” He asked, working to focus his eyes on her.
“We should have stayed. If we had, none of this would have happened.” She wanted to tell him how sorry she was that their lives had come to this, hiding from a Hell God in the desert. She wanted to tell him that he couldn’t die, not here, not like this. She reached out and took his hand.
“Don’t.” His face contorted in pain and he gasped. “What you did…w-was necessary…what I’ve always admired.”
Tears were streaming down her face now and she felt the need to say something to break the suffocating fear that had enveloped her.
“The running away?” She smiled at him.
“Being able to…place your…heart above all else.” He looked so pale, his breath coming in short gasps and she swallowed hard, fighting back tears. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so far. You are everything a Watcher…everything I could have hoped for.”
He made a pained face and closed his eyes. She looked at their hands entwined, her body shaking with her silent sobs. His breathing became more labored and he opened his eyes, looking up at her. She saw in them his love for her, his pride in the woman she’d become. She also saw that he was saying goodbye and she clutched his hand harder.
“Giles no.” She now made no attempt to hide her tears. “You can’t die, you can’t go. You promised. Please, don’t ever leave me again. I…I can’t do this without you.”
She felt his hand tighten around hers and she looked into his eyes.
“You…wouldn’t want…to try?” His voice was rough and weak.
“I refuse to try,” she answered firmly. “You have to stay with me. Promise me.”
“I…promise to try.” He drew in a ragged breath, looking up at her.
“You rest,” she said, gently touching his face. “We’ll get out of this yet.”
“I know you will,” He replied, his eyes closing as sleep claimed him.
She touched his face again and turned.
“Willow, open a door.”
************************************************
Giles stood alone in the gathering darkness, looking at the ground. He wanted to say something, anything that would ease the crushing pain he felt, but no words would come to him. He looked up at her gravestone, taking in her name and the inscription that was unique, just as she was. He watched in fascination as the letters blurred, barely noticing the tears that ran down his face.
It had been two long months since Buffy had jumped from the tower; two long months of empty days and endless nights. Two months of nightmares, seeing her fall again and again, knowing he ccould do nothing to save her. Two months of a painful existence, of drinking himself into a stupor to survive. Two eternal months of trying to live a life without her in it.
“Oh, Buffy, I miss you so.” His voice was rough, barely above a whisper. “You were my friend, my family. You shouldn’t have left me again. I cannot do this without you.”
The rest of the familiar ritual went unsaid, lost in the echoing silence as she wasn’t there to complete it and he fell to his knees, sobbing.
The End
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